i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
