Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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