I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
