Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
