1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
