hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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