she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
