dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
