wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
