I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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