I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
