Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
