tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
