when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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