I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize