You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
