i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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