There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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