Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
