I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
