Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
