Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
