I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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