She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
