oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize