so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
