if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
