So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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