Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
