Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
