Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
