Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
