Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
