You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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