Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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