i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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