You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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