I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
