I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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