I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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