Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
