Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
