i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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