he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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