She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
