I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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