Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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