im six kinds of drunk right now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
