and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
