Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
