I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
