umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
