Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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