If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
