The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
