Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's even glitter on my cock...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
