thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize