i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
