I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
