I'm really into asian looking animals
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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