So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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