If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
