Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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