I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
