I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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