Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
