I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
