I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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