he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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