weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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