I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
