it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
