Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
