Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
